The tree pee

I live by 2 rules in life:

1) Don't take your shoes off on a night out
2) Don't pee in the street

i reckon if you live by those 2 rules, you'll be taken home to mother. i recently embarked on a tirip to Spain with my bints when one hoonage fuelled night ended with me crossing my legs and running on the spot on the beach.

now in hindsight, i think doing my tinkle in the sea would've been acceptable here since it was 4am and no children were present, but instead i spotted a nice looking tree. it was on a hill and its branches splayed outwards, covering the trunk with the long foliage. like a big leafy umbrella.... perfect.

i'm no expert at this (as i mentioned - i don't usually partake in such unladylike behaviour) so i thought i'd hold onto the branch that was just above waist height to keep my balance while i drained the main.

as proceeding were drawing to a close i heard the girls scuttling up the hill with the camera to try and catch me in the act so i quickly pulled up my shorts and ran out into the open with a huge smug grin on my face having got away with my cardinal sin. the flash shone brightly and the photo turned out great - we got on with our night... skinny dipping and the like.

5 more days passed, we flew back to london and Brizzie decides to add the holiday snaps to facebook.... the flash on her camera revealed the horrifying truth of the fateful tree pee episode.

...in my rush to relieve myself, i neglected to notice the sleeping homeless man under my tree of choice. The jury's still out on whether i didnt wake him, or he just remained calm our of fear/pleasure. Either way, September 2009 i inadvertantly partook in my first water sports.


epic outdoor peeing FAIL. Another reason why i'm a massive idiot hole.